I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
