My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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