I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
