I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
