Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
