Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
