i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
