So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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