Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
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