did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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