I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
