It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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