Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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