4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
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