so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
