My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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