well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
