I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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