I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.