dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.