so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
naw, they were rude, not me.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.