He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.