you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza