you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT