I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
