So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
