Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
try to milk me bitch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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