Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
