Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
