I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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