In the future we'll all be gay
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
