I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
