I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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