I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
