I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
