I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Green mimosas i think yes
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
