real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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