It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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