She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A+ Viking dick
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
