I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
