Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
