My room smells like vodka and shame
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
