I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
