Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
