This is not my ceiling
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
