Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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