Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
