u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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