Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
