Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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