Im at strip club and am horny
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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