he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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