her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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