remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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