She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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