I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's blow job season.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
