I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
