Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
