I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
