god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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