Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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