I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
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Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
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My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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