So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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