Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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