Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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