he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
