Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
A+ Viking dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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