Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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