thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
