i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
