i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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