If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
