why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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