we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
