my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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