I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
