I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
