I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
