'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
