she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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