I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
