Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
