Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
