Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
