the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
