Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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