so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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